There are 3 kinds of stories we tell ourselves that get us into trouble! There is the "victim"story, the "villain"story and the "helpless" story. Maybe with the new year coming up we can see if we tell ourselves these stories and if so, make an effort to quit and have better communication.
1) Victim Story-"It's not my fault" this is when we don't take responsibility for the things that we do or say and just throw blame on someone else. Remember that we can ONLY change ourselves so blaming others for how WE feel is pointless. Don't give others that kind of POWER over you.
2) Villain Story--"It's all your fault!" This makes us feel better about outcomes because, again, we don't take responsibility for our own actions. Stop looking for others to blame.
3) Helpless Story--" I can't do anything about it so why try?" There is always something you can do about a situation because you are in control of how YOU handle it.
We see or hear something and then we tell ourselves a story. For example, if you see someone weaving in and out of traffic, you tell yourself some kind of story-- That guy's an idiot! or that guy must be drunk! or that guy might be headed for the hospital for an emergency! In all of these cases you really have no idea why that guy is weaving in and out of traffic so you filled in the blank with a story. After you tell yourself a story, your feelings kick in; either anger, frustration or maybe concern. Depends on the story you told yourself. Then comes the actions. Maybe speed up and cut the guy off cause he deserves it or get mad and take it out on your loved ones when you get home.See? You control the outcome because YOU control the stories you tell yourselves. So next time something happens and you don't have all the facts, don't fall into the trap of making up a story. Give the person a break and you will keep yourself from much misery of miscommunication. Happy day!
Thought for the day: "When a man is all wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package"
10 years ago
1 comment:
Thanks for the post, Janice! Is that from your Crucial Conversations book? I really should read it, huh? And yes, bad habits here too, but I don't feel bad about it :) We have gone running a couple of times over this break, but Dar got sick so we've slacked off again. Haha. Either way, we have to put our nose back to the grindstone soon enough so we might as well enjoy the opportunity to be a little lazy this break! Happy New Year!
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