Dear Jeffrey,

It's been 4 years today. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday and sometimes it seems a lifetime ago. I miss you. I miss your brilliant smile that I fell in love with the first time we met. I miss your sense of humor and the way you could make even the most ordinary everyday things worthy of hysterical laughter. I feel your spirit but miss your touch. I miss the feeling of safety I had knowing that no matter what happened, you were there and it would be ok. I could always count on you. My own personal MacGyver.
So many things have happened in the last 4 years. I will be graduating next week from UVU and then heading to BYU for a Masters Degree. Can you believe it? Me? I often wonder what you think about where I am now and what I have done with my life since you've been gone. I really hope you are proud of me.
Our family has dealt with a lot of pain in your absence. I will be doing just fine one minute and then something happens and the reality of being alone hits me so hard it takes my breath away. Grief is like that. It comes like a thief in the night, just when you think you are doing fine. I know how it feels to be lonely even when surrounded by loving family and friends. But there have been so many times of joy! I really wish you could be here physically to play with the most beautiful and loving grandchildren in the world! They are each so special and they know you because we talk to them about their grandpa in heaven. I am so proud of our children. They are wonderful men and women, each with beautiful families of their own, growing up in the gospel and striving to do the right thing. You raised them well!
Thank you for sharing your life with me. I'm so grateful that we decided when we first got married that we would enjoy life along the way and not wait until "someday" came. Because of that we all have such wonderful memories to hold on to and enjoy.
I'm so grateful for the gospel and my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have come to know them well as I have been carried through the most difficult times of my life. The poem,"Footprints in the Sand" has special meaning to me because I have been literally carried in the arms of His love. I couldn't have made it through without this absolute knowledge of the truthfulness of the Gospel. I know that my Heavenly Father knows what's best for me and I strive to live my life in alignment with His will. I fall so short, but I am trying, and I know that this is what the atonement is all about; doing all you can do and Christ making up the difference. I hope all is well with you and that you know how deeply you are loved and missed by your family and friends. Love Janice